I, Ash a writer in moii beri own blog Drop dwn moii beri last Ting tat hab been in moi mind...
I decided to let everyting in moi mind go le..I cnt force tings too happen when it ish jux a small dream tat i wish to hab beri long...Todae,[31 of October 2005] @[12:06 Pm] I suan bu I gib up every single ting in moii life...I wan to start anew I willing to give up all moii dreams n start a new...

I jux dono y I felt so tired....I reali beri tired le....In relationship, In working, In wanting bck a warm n happi family....I guess I hab been askin too much until i moiself cnt make it to real life...I don wan to lie to moiself ani more...Especially moi heart...I hurt moiself n oso let others hurt mi...I hab been fallin dwn until I cnt stand up ani more le...I am too weak to get ani burden le bahx...Moi Feelin'...Wu noes?N wu willin' to understand wad i wan?I guess onli mi will noe bahx...Or rather I oso don understand moiself...Wad i need n wad i don need at all..I dono...

Everyting cum so sudden n leave mii so sudden...I am a human wid blood n heart....Y everyone treat mi as though i am a babie doll?I wanted luv, care n concern...Once I haf it bt end up, I don treasure it n take it for granted.... All hab to blame mii for moii Ren Xing bax...If i m a understandable girl den i won hab to suffer til like tis le bu shi max?Nw noe le n understaand le...Bt it seems to bii too late le...Rite?So no use noing so much when itsh oreadi so late...I dono y I nw wantin' to change moi self? Maybi I tired too long until i cnt take it le bax...

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12:30 PM

Times runs so fast...So fast goin' to End of Oct le...I hab been workin' @ venus 4 nine daes...I Chose to Make moiiself bz n nt to tink of aniting...Indeed I wo cheng gong le...I tink of no one else except slpin...I juz somehw rather feel tat i gt no time to slp or havin' a proper dinner or lunch...

I first time feel so tired everydae after work...No strength to ting of other tings..Nt even tinkin' of havin' a boii boii to acc...Cos i gt no time for him...Wait till i reali settle dwn le den consider abt havin another relationship bax...To mii I don reli trust guys' words ash ebery guy sae e same old swt tok to bluff girls' heart...Once i believe bt end up....I noe ish i'm e one who ask 4 break bt if he don treat miii coldly will i sae break?Ebery ting nw ish moii fault....

I don expect to hab anitin' back jux hope tat I reali can wang le ta....Itsh hard bt At least i use workin' ash a wae to do so...

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7:54 PM

Haiz...time past beri fast nehx...coming to end of oct le....Haix...Single quite long le bahx....[dui nan ren si xing le]...nw reali [kan po hong chen le] haha...moii cousin lyks to sae tis de....Haiz...


Every dae lyk tis i gettin beri sianx...No boi boi n hab to work until no daes no nite...Haix...Sufferin like siao...Beri de sian nehs...i cnt love or care ani one...All by moi self... I wan moii relationship lyk tong hua...Bt end up itsh a sad ting...I wan moi lifr lyk hui gu niang bt end up?haix...Maybe too much fairytales 4 mii le...Should stay in real world more bahx...Hmmm...I ting nw i treat 5566 more ash moi Stead nahx...

Haha...Beri sian...I don wan to mish him n don wan to look 4 anione le... Jux wan to be bck moi self...

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1:25 PM

Haiz...Todae to free @ work le...Until I suddenly start to tink of him....I felt tat his appear ish too sudden n e wae he left mii oso beri sudden...I owaes make moiiself suffer so much until i,moiiself cnt face e truth moiiself....

I guess he oreadi hab one nice n caring stead beside him le bahx....I'm jux a nth to him animore le....[yi dian ye mei guan xi de nu ren....] He won wan to bother aniting abt mii le....Nw ash 4 mii....I feel tat he ish juz a passerby customer....[Stranger] Bt Imade moiiself follow him n made him suffer while I'm sufferin too....

I tot i hab totalli gib on eberyting between mii n him bt end up....I'm lying to moii ownself...Maybi i jux wana make moiiself more comfortable bahx...Bt too bad todae i get bck all those feelin' tat i hab suffer last time...Hmmm...I admit tat i was e one wu wanted to leave...N nw I'm e one wu ish sufferin more then he do....Wo xiang dui ni si xing ke shi wo zhou bu dao....

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10:46 PM

I'm tired nt becos of aniting....Is plainli becos i just finish work....Arghz...Beri de tired...Haha...Nw no brain to tink so much of those lurve lurve ting niao...All focus on moii work.....Keke...

Nw mii workin' @ Venus...@ Toa PaYoh de....Okie nahx...Tat place mahx...Nt bad nahx....Sometimes beri stress n sometime beri relaxin'....

Hmmm...Abt moii own tings ardx....A.....Nth much to tok abt nahx....Same old pattern norhx...Tats wad i can sae onli....Haha...Okie nahx i stop here le...

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4:41 AM

Hmmm...Kind of being beri sianx tis few daes... No place to go.... Nth to do oso.... So slack at home.... Tis few daes beri de sianx... Onli todae gt someting to do.... Mii go k box wid moii cousin, connie n moii buddy, mikado... Wha.... beri de fun nehx.... Crazy in e K box... Haha... First time i feel so free n happi... Todae Quite Hiper active norhx... Todae nt at hm again le...Haha...Mii staying at moii ah yi hse nahz... At least beta den staying outside wid friends bahx? Keke....To mii nw no matter wad i will continue to be whu i am...i won becox of him do aniting to moiiself de ash itsh beri de silly norhx...He wan to Be so Hen Xing to mii y mush i continue to do so mani tings for him? I won be so hen xing to moiiself de....I nw noe wad ish setting moiiself free...So fun n happi...Well can sae i long time neber be so happi be4 le....Realli...Feel so relax n wonderful...Can plae ash mush ash i wan n wish for....I wish tat moii daes can continue to be lyk tis everydaes....No matter of wad matters...I wan to use wei siao lai dai guo...

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9:30 AM

I reali gib up le...I break wid Adrian le...N i can no longer hab Froggie ash moii Friend Le....I mish euu....Euu noe mahx?Ytd I use a needle to hurt moiiself jux becos of making moiiself realease tat i cnt get bck beri ting once i throw it awae...Jus a one more chance to eu beri hard mahx?I noe i hab hurt eu...I noe i hab done wrong le...

But...y?Y i still need to suffer tis bu pi yao de tong gu?Y?Anione can let mii noe mahx?I'm confuse...Y other couple can hab a happi endin bt nt mii?I don need pain...I wan care n concern...I cnt msg eu...cnt see eu,cnt call eu...Nian dao we cnt even be a friend? I cnt be compare to TXXXZ bahx tats y eu wan to treat mii like tis bahx?I hate loneliness bt eu insist to gib mii loneliness....I am nt a vase or toys for eu to throw awae or play mii when eu need....I am nt!!!

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10:48 AM

Wad hab gone wrong wid mii n moii life?Everyting seems nt goin rite 4 mii to walk...I wan moii life to be normal n ez to walk bt end up its a different story...I beri Sianx...I lost him bt i hab another him...

I trying to giving up both side ash i ting ish unfair....to mii n him..wad should i do?I cnt hurt others...i cnt play wid ani feelings...I am owaes hurt....

Y?Y mush it bii mii?Idono who ish true to mii and who ish real to mii...I am confuse...Reali confuse....

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6:23 PM

He msg mii tis morning...5:35am...We ended our friendship n relationship....He saed tat i treat him unfairly...Den e waes he treat mii fair mahx?

He don wan to care n bother abt mii....He alwaes blame mii for e cos of every quarrel...Y he don tink twice on himself?His behaviour?I'm nt trying to blame or sae him...Bt did he reali went to tink be4 he blamed mii?The ans Ish NO!!!He ish owaes rite n mii?I'm owaes in e wrong...Moii temper,Moii Attitude,And moii Jealousy...All moii fault bt nt his...He saed tat i treat him ash moii replacement....

Den wad if i tell him e same ting wad will he tink?Who will treat his/her bf/gf ash a replacement...Isnt it a unrasonable wae to avoid mii?Might ash well he sae he don wan to be moii friend beta?But in e end he still sae le...He don wan to be moii friend le....Wadeva it ish he jus treating mii n moii love ash a toy...Throw it awae once itsh old....I regret for letting go of tis relationship with him....

I mish e happi moments together ash a group...

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1:13 PM

I'm here again...juz cnt stop moiiself from writing another diary for todae...He ish sad...I noe cos he ask mii a question..."if eu were mii hw ish moii feelings" Tish sentence jam moii mind bt i still tell him moii ans...We are together bt e problem lyes on mii nw...i Neber gib him moii 100% lurfe...

i try moii best to give in everyting bahs i am waiting for a empty ans...and i don wan to a wait for anyting when there isnt ani ans for mii...I'm playing selfish he too...but innocent de shi adrian...since i chose to stead wid him den i hab to give up eberi ting tat don belongs to mii nw...I lost him bt i jux don wan to lost another one

I can rely on eu deepli mahx?eu can gib mii happiness but nt loneliness mahx?can i trust eu?

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6:51 PM

8 sept, the dae we break up le...everiting happens so fast until i, moiiself dono wad had happen in between...Losting tis relationship ish nt wad i wish for....n ish nt moii plan to leave him..

We jux cnt put ourself in each others' shoes...we only cares for ourselves...i hab done wrong in controlling him n saeing him treating mii unfairli...but i ting now is both of us ish treating each other too unfairli le....

Do eu understand wad moii heart ish tinking? Everyone blaming mii for being unfair to eu den who tinks of mii?I'm selfish but eu don bother or care abt moii loneliness...wad can i still do n sae?I jux hab to admit everyting and Eu?Treating moii waiting ash nth...Eu sae eu r considering bt to moii eu r jux avoiding....

If there's no trust between e both of us y should we continue to waste our time...eu can go bck to her n i can jux set moiiself free from everiting...i won burn e pictures bt i will continue to keep it hoping tat there will be a dae i can call eu HuBbIe again...I mish eu...N i swear tat I lurve eu no matter i stead wid who....I swear...

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2:27 PM